If I got paid for every time a child asked me what their reward would be if they silently read the whole time after lunch, completed their homework, or did their chores… I would be rich! Where do they learn this from anyways?
Well, have you ever given a child something they really wanted after they finished an unwanted task? Ice cream for cleaning their room, a sticker every time they listened in class, a new pair of shoes for bringing home an A on their report card? Then, have you noticed that the next time they clean their room, listen to you, or get an A on their report card, they expect a ‘prize’ again?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely guilty of this too, and I’m not saying you shouldn’t be happy for them or go to celebrate for their hard work and great grades. I’m saying that turning this into a habit might be hurtful in the future.
Think about it this way – maybe your child has kept their room clean all week long and this used to always be a struggle. Instead of rewarding him/her each day it’s clean, you surprise your child after a few days of a clean room. There is no set time on this reward. The child doesn’t put together that 2 days of a clean room = a prize. Instead, the child builds a routine of cleaning their room without the expectation of a surprise. They rather begin to see the real reward of having a clean room. S/he can now find what they’re looking for, has space for homework or to play and has a comfortable spot to sleep.
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The Real Reward
– The reward of reading is becoming a better reader and learning
– Likewise, the reward of eating healthy is having a better balanced diet
– Of course, the reward of listening is knowing what is going on and not having to ask something you could have already known
“I finished my homework, where’s my ice cream?”
On the other hand, if a child does something outside of a daily routine; hey, bring the rewards out. If I ran my half marathon and received just the satisfaction of completion, I would be pretty bitter myself. I love the feeling of being accomplished, but I also want my medal. Overall, this is about building habits, not a reward system for tasks that should be done regardless of a prize. Remember, we’re not training a dog to sit for a treat. We’re building happy kids with good routines and habits. 🙂
-The Parent’s Teacher (Shay)